The past 

They bring the past up !! Then anxiety returns worst than ever , can you apologise for fucking up your tablets !!! I it’s Jesus wow I went out and did all they so what! Leave me alone and stop bringing it up I’ve moved on maybe you should too,

The last thing I need is for my anxiety to be going full speed I have enough on my mind that I’m trying to handle you shouting out every mess I ever made isn’t helping !!! Please stop it let me move on because I have ! We all make mistakes sure look at my scars to prove it ! Life is tough enough without you judging me and telling every stranger on the street what a mess I am !

L

If anything can ever be clear from this , it’s that this life is the real hell we fear, and little so called little pains in chest worrying over the past going why did we do that who cares it’s Petty to worry about mad times life is short to what you want and fuck the rest don’t you dare let anxiety bipolar or whatever tell you otherwise , flashbacks mania depression , it’s not who you are , get out live for them miss them but never forget that in the grand scheme of things all that matters is your feelings for them 

For you 

You worry about them things ! Then the next minute your world falls apart , please know I love you and growing up you were the one who made me laugh , I hope you are at peace now , and living up there back to no pain Cx I shall love you always please know that never a day passed I did not think of you , over the years we grew a part but my heart was always the same love you 

Panic attacks

Anxiety anxiety anxiety can it get better ever feel like my hear is going to explode !’can’t even take in air without hurting ! It’s just all of a sudden panic attacks are just there and making me feel like hell really wish it could just stop and that it will all stop !!!!! I try to handle it feck what ever your mind is saying it means nothing you are a soul sure you are dealing with a lot but can do this !!! Cause hell will freeze over if your going to let such a thing cause all this pain 

Positive Thinking

All about staying positive and getting your life on track , and remember whatever your feeling now and Any unease you feel will mean nothing this time next year , so next time you see that thing or person hello !!! And in your mind I know my troubles and yes I’ve made mistakes but I’m moving on and leaving them feelings behind 

Pearl jam black 

Hey… oooh…
Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay

Were laid spread out before me as her body once did.

All five horizons revolved around her soul as the earth to the sun

Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn
Ooh, and all I taught her was everything

Ooh, I know she gave me all that she wore
And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds of what was everything.

Oh, the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything…
I take a walk outside, I’m surrounded by some kids at play

I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear?

Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head, I’m spinning, oh,

I’m spinning, how quick the sun can drop away
And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass of what was everything

All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything…
All the love gone bad turned my world to black

Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I’ll be… yeah…
Uh huh… uh huh… ooh…
I know someday you’ll have a beautiful life,

I know you’ll be a star in somebody else’s sky,

But why, why, why can’t it be, can’t it be mine?
Aah… uuh..
Too doo doo too, too doo doo [many times until fade]

All going well then flashbacks 

 ✓ Fine ignore me then ! Forget I am even alive sure I’m the only one that’s ever made a mistake ! One thing and you just blank me honestly get over it maybe il just crawl under a rock If that makes you feel any better or just delete every picture shut down and end it all well seems extreme but that’s how it is , sure I will prob not hear from you well if that’s what you want I don’t blame you I am a mess but really you expecting anything less get over it , they whole time I thought we were mates someone we can turn too but after that sure even a text but no just make me feel like shit! It will be tough but now I’m never going to apologise for being me 

Well for all here who experience anxiety mania and all In between sometimes better to share and write our feelings 

Sometimes it’s better to just write these feelings out as the chance of acting on them is less ? I know in a part of me these feelings are madness my mind racing reading too much into something that really holds no purpose, when I make a mistake I feel Crap but what mistake ! My anxiety is just aghhhh and my brain replaying every memory that ever existed ! Seriously what is it with that I hate it anxiety disorder bipolar disorder fuck it’s no excuse but it just might explain a few things , i can get sick of being alone even for one soul to accept me as I am or someone who looks at me and can see past that Jesus and the first sign you go for it like the fool I am aghhh, well sure you live and learn but that thing and anxiety can piss off cause I have been through worst a hell if you must know ! And this can’t stop me a distant memory I have better things to do with my time than get panic attacks over mania